just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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