I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's always time for handjobs
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
