i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
