also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
