So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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