I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
