I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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