Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You made out with two different species that night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
