I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
