Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
