I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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