she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
