her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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