you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
