My first STD was from a foam party
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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