Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
