I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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