Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
