my being single is dangerous.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
