im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
