I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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