sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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