It's Friday. Sex?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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