I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
