o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
