I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
