I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
