Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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