On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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