she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
