Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
