You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
