He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
