i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
