sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
