could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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