break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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