When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
