Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
