rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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