call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
