my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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