I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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