seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
