Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
