Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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