Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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