i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
someone owes me an orgasm
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
