I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
