I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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