see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
