Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
