man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
