you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
