We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
