Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So squirting runs in the family.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
