I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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