I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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