splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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